the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
