at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
