were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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