final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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