It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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