arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
