Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
