I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
