Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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