can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
