hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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