I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
tell me about the fingering
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
