spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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