Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
