You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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