Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
