Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
