I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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