he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
