I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
