When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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