I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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