Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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