Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
