8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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