We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
