When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
