its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
