yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize