So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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