God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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