i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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