Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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