p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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