Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
