I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize