I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
