i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
