Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
