also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
