I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
