Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
someone owes me an orgasm
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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