she woke up with a sticky ear
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
