Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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