Cold hands, warm shart.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
