Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
