your thong is hanging out like whoa
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
