we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's blow job season.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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