I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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