drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
