He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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