I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
