Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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