I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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