I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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