I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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