I hate your face
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
a search helicopter?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
