she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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