I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
