There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
