I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
