I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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