Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize