I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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