i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
