her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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