omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
